Hanoai
by XxBakuraXBakuraxX
Summary: It's been three years since the shaman fight and Yoh gets a kitten from a pet store one day. Mysteries start occurring all relating to his brother. Could he be alive? Will he take the chance to find out? WARNING S : Implied yaoi, incest, and lemon.
1. Chapter 1: Missing Kitten

XxX

I walked down the street, the wind blowing my choppy chalk brown hair wildly. It felt refreshing to have this nice breeze; another generous pleasure I had the right to exploit and that my brother did not. He was d_ead. _The word was bitter on my tongue, like something poison. It was slowly spreading through me as if a realization. These days, that's what it is. It used to be, "beat Hao," and, "Kill him, save us." But now that Hao is truly demolished, what have we achieved?

What have I won...? Truth is nothing. It has been three years since the shaman fight. I'm eighteen years old now. So much has happened, in so little time. Or so it feels. With Hao gone, we could all live in peace. Anna and I broke our engagement off because we felt more less like "friends." I also explained to her I was too lost in myself to get married with anyone. But that was a lie. _Everything was a lie. _

The truth was, the fact that my brother, Hao Asakura, the man who escaped death, lived thousands of years, is _dead. __**Gone.**_ "You cannot undo what is already written in your book of life. You can only change that action in another book of life." Granpa used to preach me. Now I feel that that is all that is left. To wait for my next life, my next chance to be with Hao, my next chance to live. Otherwise I felt like something was missing.

I've been told I'm being decieved, and that it is truly the half of my soul that I miss. No, that is wrong in two ways. One, I miss him- his entire being, his knowing smirk- even if it wasn't so pleasant at the time. Two, it wasn't the half of MY soul. It was half of his. Technically- my body belonged to him. I will not admit to being anyone other than who I am- I am me, Yoh is Yoh- but I will admit to have taken some life from Hao to create my own.

But, you can't blame me, right? That's life, isn't it? I shake my head and mutter curse words under my breath; it is freaking frigid outside. You'd think we were in the Artic. I stop by a pet store, and peer in a display window at a litter of kittens. _Hao loved cats,_ I thought, touching the window and leaning to examine the kittens closer. Most of the kitties tumbled around playing, stumbling, fumbling- but there was one aloof kitten sitting seperate from its relatives.

It rested in the shawdow, longing boredly up at the ceiling. It had black fur and white intermixed- and to put this quickly I fell in love. The kitten displayed myself at age thirteen quite nicely. Before the Shaman fight- before I even knew Hao- I was just a child born completely aloof, seperate, and alone. Everything had changed. I stepped in the store. "Scuze me, mam?" I said politely to the shopkeeper, not trying to interrupt. "I'd like to purchase that feline over there, if you don't mind."

XxX

I helped the lonely kitten out of the cardboard box and onto the plush carpet floor. I gave it a little saucer of milk and watched it as it cutely lapped it up. Its eyes surveyed the room with excitement- curious to be in a new place. I smiled and scratched its ear. "Let's give you a name, hmm, kitty, kitty?" I grinned. "How about... Hanoai? (This literately translates to "Leaf Love.") That sounds about right." I grinned. I mostly liked it for the "Ha," like "Hao." Smiling, I played with the kitty, pushing it over on its back, playing with its paws, and it batted playfully back. We were interrupted from our game as the door bell rang its normal cheap high pitched tone.

I sighed and sat up, and Hanoai gave me big eyes, stating she wanted to play more. I laughed. _Later, _I apologized to her mentally. I pulled open the daft door and the cool winter air drifted in, and I mentally lectured myself. "Hello?" I smiled sweetly, holding the door as close to closed as possible without seeming rude. "Pssht, it's me you bloody fool." The rude form pushed past me and shut the door tight, inviting himself inside. I sighed. _Ren. When will you learn to greet me with out insulting me? _"What's with the kitten?" Ren asks as he peels of his coat and puts it on the leather couch. He is unaware of my mental comeback. "Why didn't you use your key?" I asked. "Forget it," He scoffed, and I sighed.

"How was your day?" I asked, faking interest, sitting on my knees and scooting toward the kitten, scratching it behind the ear. "You just ignored my question," Ren frowned. "I bought at the pet store, blah blah. Gosh, it's only a kitten." I point out. "I get it," he states defensively, plopping sloppily on the couch. "You know," I started, leaning on one elbow. "Y'know what?" Red sighed, spreading his arms out against the couch. "Hao told me once during the shaman fight. He said the reason he wanted to bind souls was because he wasn't complete. He said I had nothing to miss since I had never been complete before, but he missed it a lot." Ren cocked a brow.

"This matters why?" I shrugged, slumping my shoulders in a single fluid motion. "Then get over it... Yoh, I'm starting to worry a little bit about you... you need to stop thinking about Hao. It's been three years. I don't think you need to let his saddle you down from riding free. When you... _got rid _of him, you were supposed to be helping the world and yourself. You're free now. You don't have to be upset." Red sighed, shaking his head. I looked up at him with half lidded eyes, my face almost labeled, "Why should I care?" "One, I KILLED him Ren. Death isn't a thing I'm willing to accept. By my own hands, I..." I trailed off, staring into my lap, then at the kitty. I refused to look at Ren after saying something I've said to myself for years, and should've said years ago. I finally managed a glance at Ren, and his face looked very scary, and he was standing now.

"Yoh. Don't even blame yourself. That cocky bastard had it coming to him AGES ago. And it wasn't your hands... blame it on us. You won't have to accept it, let us accept it. Amidamaru was the one with the sword. We were the ones trying to have it done. Not you." He said, his fists shaking visibly as he spoke. "Ren..." I closed my eyes and sighed. I had caused some kind of drama. Way to go, Yoh. "Seriously, come to me about your problems. I've only been living with you for 3 years now. You'd think you'd catch on." He scooted next to me on the ground, and smiled softly. "NO NO NO! Ren, don't do this! DON'T!" I yelled, falling back with a completely mortified face.

He cocked a brow. "What?" He asked. "You were smiling! I'll take you to court for that! It's most likely illegal!" I yelled, trying not to laugh at myself. Ren gave me a blank stare then fell back cackling. "My apologies," He stated with a voice full of mirth. I gigled along. "Seriously Yoh, you need to stop being so bereaved." Red smiled. "And we need to get over that topic. Hey, hey, hey, let's go for a walk, Renny!" I say enthusiastically, pulling him up to his feet, and dragging him along with me to the door.

"Yoh, I just got back! I don't wanna go outside! It's too cold!" He lectured. "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, whatever. Come on, I'm bored anyway. We'll just sit on the porch anyway." While I said this I already had pulled him with me outside on the porch, not giving him a say on the matter. He siged and sat in one of the oak chairs we had, seemingly annoyed with the chilly weather. I sat down on the chair next to his and leaned over with a stupid smile on my face. "CITY NOSE!" I accused. "Indeed I am. Get over yourself." He said skeptically.

I smiled and let out a chilled white breath. It _was _pretty cold for a December day. "Yoh, did you know Anna and her fiancee are getting married soon?" Ren said, almost detestedly- as if worried I would grow saddened by this fact. "Yes. I hope they have a happy life together. Who knew Anna could fall for Horo Horo!" I grinned. Ren gave a blank look to his lap. "_I did'nt." _He said in such a remorseful voice... it made my back quiver in regret. "It was kind of sad you two broke up," I said, regretting it even more, because his lips pulled down into a dark frown. "I-I m-mean that I th-thought you'd stay together longer...?" I stuttered under his glare.

Ren sighed and leaned out, wrapping a arm around me and pulling my head on his shoulder, and he stroked my arm as if trying to warm it. I couldn't help but blush inwardly at the contact, despite it only being friendly manner. Soon enough I closed my eyes and leaned into the touch, smiling simply. I allowed my mind to wander to black, and fall into a warm dream.

_Mohagony hair leaned over my face, chocolate brown eyes blinking curiously. I blinked back and registered the presence, but skittered slightly away from it. "What? Are you afraid of me?" The voice, Hao's voice, said in a chilled tone. "I think so," I say honestly. "They all are. Were'nt you when you killed me?" He had a dark face and looked to the side. Pain struck me with each of his words. I reached out and wrapped my arms around his. "I d-did'nt want to do that..." I whispered hoarsely. "But you did," He stated, glaring down at me. I felt pathetic, but I continued. "I may have, but... I wish I didn't..." I tried again._

_"Why should you care? Why should you regret killing me?" I pondered that. It was true. Why regret for no purpose? It had to trace back to something, ANYTHING. "B-because you were my brother. Twin brother at that. I missed times with you. I wanted to know you. I longed to be friendly with you. I... missed you." I mumbled. "But all that doesn't matter anymore, since you threw it all away by your own blade." Hao said in a menacing voice. "No! I-I wouldn't have meant to!" But as I reached out, he seemed farther away. I chased after him, calling out "Nii-san" like a baby. But he kept getting farther, and finally faded into black. _

_"Yoh," his creamy voice soothed. "Yoh!" I felt a vivid shaking on my shoulders. "Yoh!" _My eyes snapped open unpleasantly, warm tears streaking down my cheeks. My head was still on Ren's shoulder, and he had his laptop out on his lap, his legs crossed and his glasses on. He had a questioning look on his face. "Yoh? Are you alright?" He asked blankly. I wiped the tears quickly. "Bad dream," I whispered weakly. "Well, some hell of a dream that must have been." He looked to the side with an almost sad expression. I glanced back at him curiously.

"Uhm, I'm going to go take a shower," I stated, standing up. "Fine by me. No need to announce it." I blushed but turned to the door, but stopped dead in my tracks. "R-Ren..." He looked over at me. "Yes?" He asked patiently. "The door! We left it open!" My face starts growing with horror. "Don't worry Yoh. No one got in, we were right here on the porch." Ren smiled. "N-No! Ren, what about Hanoai?" I run into the room and realazation hits Ren. "T-the cat! Oh, I see! I forgot about that. I mean, you just got it today!" He chased after me.

I searched everywhere and called for him, but no Hanoai came. I slugged on my coat and Ren and I ran to go find him.

XxX

Oh noes! What has happened to the cute kitty? Will it be found? R&R please. :)

Yoh: MY KITTY! WHERE ARE YOU!

Me: Read the next chapter.

Hao: Just don't make me the cat, or I'll run away.

Me: Don't worry, I don't intend to do that. It's not very original. They're is a lot of fanfictions like that.


	2. Chapter 2

Me: Noes! The kitty is missing!

Yoh: M-my kitty?

Hao: I'm right here~

Yoh: What? You aren't my kitten. :(

Hao: Apparently youth is incapable of sensing sarcasm.

Disclaimer: Well, if I owned Shaman King, Hao and Yoh would have had sex already. What do you think? :S

XxX

I bit my lip. We had searched the entire town to no avail. Here Ren and I sat on a park bench after an eternity of searching. I had dragged him all about the town, and he had patiently followed. We had asked everyone yet not a single person knew where the darling little fur ball had gone. Guilt surged deep within me, and my fists started trembling. Ren put a comforting arm on my shoulder, but I shaked it off, and rubbed my own shoulders, averting his hurt gaze. That kitten. What was it about that kitten?

His name. Hanoai. Why had I dared to call him such a title? I grew much too connected much too fast. Rain dared to pour out of the sky, and I glanced up, ignorant of the droplets in my eyes. "Hao.." I whispered. Wait... Hao? It was Hanoai I should be worrying of, yet somehow, that old name comes to mind. I know that Ren didn't hear me, but I still blush wondering what would have happened if he did. I couldn't focus. My head and my heart pounded.

The rain was not soothing. My kitten... the only reason I love you is your name. You make me think of him;_ I want to think of him_. I have no idea why, but I can't help but desire to image the me I destroyed. I took his life; his ability to feel this exact rain. Would he have enjoyed it? The thought makes even more guilt weigh on me. "Ren..." My lips harsly say, my eyes are glistening with tears, and I don't even notice. They run down my face, and for once, in a long, long time... I laugh.

I burst out cackling, throwing my head back. Ren shoots me a concered look. I wipe the tears from my eyes and get up off the park bench, and stand, spreading my arms out at my side, my tear filled eyes glaring up at the raging sky.

"ARE YOU HAPPY, HAO? CAN YOU HEAR ME? YOU'VE WON! YOU KILLED ME IN RETURN! NOW GO AWAY!" I scream up to the sky. Thunder cracks and lightning flashes, as if to answer me. I can't believe I yelled that in front of Ren; but I've longed to. Hao had killed me. I was thinking of the enemy, for Christ's sake. I craved him to live again, whether or not I got to have any more breaths. A world with out Hao wasn't one worth living in, and I had no idea why.

Why...? Ren's arms has wrapped around my back, and I weep bitter tears. He may be there, but he is not who I crave. I need Hao, desperately. The kitten had shown me that of which I had always denied. I never wished to accept the fact I needed Hao, but now that is the only thought within my head. _Hao... will I never see you again? _Ren's grip is tighter now, and I can tell he is really trying to comfort me. But it will not work. I need him... I need Hao.

Lightning flashes, and a figure iluminates in front of them. Yoh gasps a little in surprise and Ren lets go, blushing.

The teen has a big black hat covering his eyes, a brown button up coat, long black pants, and loafers. Short, cropped mohagony hair flows out of his hat. He's holding something out in his arms. It takes me a moment, but to my surprise it is my kitten. "T-thank you!" I gasp in shock, grabbing the kitten from him and snuggling it under my chin. The teen tips his hat silently, and turns to walk away. I hesitate quickly but grab his arm.

_**Thump-thump.**_

My eyes widen. He turns back to me and the lightning flashes. I gape. _Eyes that were pools of chocolate brown. Skin light as a shining moon. _I squeeze his arm.

_**Thump-thump.**_

How could I not recgonize the face... of myself? His hair may be cut short like mine, and he may have glasses- but I could recgonize him fine.

_**Thump, thump, thump.**_

He touches my arm. "Ja, junger Herr?" He says in some language I do not understand. Ren's eyes grow alert and he responds to him in that same foreign language. "Oh. Er ist nicht Deutsch. Ich spreche ein wenig, nahm meine Schwester mich einmal nach Deutschland." _Deu- what? _I give a skeptical look. The man chuckles and shakes his head. "Sorry. I'm not used to speaking Japanese. I'm here on business from my homeland Germany. I know so many languages it's hard to tell what I am speaking in sometimes." He says with a warm smile.

This was Hao, right...? I knew my twin's face... even with short hair and glasses, as I previously stated. "Hao...?" My voice is hoarse. "You must have me mistaken, young sir. My name is Blattnig Kirschblüte." He tipped his hat to me, and I stared in disbelief. _What did he say his name was...? _I couldn't pronounce it, but it was German.

"Ah, I found the little kitten scurrying around if you are curious. He leapt up to me and started mewling, hungry. I didn't know the little guy, but he sure seemed to know me plenty. I took him to the other folk around here. They said a young couple had lost a kitten like this, and they described you to me. Good luck I found you. It seems like I will get a little wet though." He laughed warmly.

"My house is only a little down the street," I was suprised my the tone of confidence in my voice. He quirked a brow at me, but remained silent. "How about you come over and dry off...?" He smiled. "If that is what you wish... but you may have to let go of my arm, young sir." My heart beated a song as I released my grasp, embarassed. "What would be your name, you two?" He asked, taking off his hat and putting it to his chest. "O-Oh. I'm Yoh, Yoh Asakura." I stuttered. "Ren Tao." Ren nodded respectfully. "So... Mr. Tao and Mr. Asakura? Fine by me." _Do you not see me?_

_I'm right here... are you Hao...?_

Blattnig followed us to our small home, a slight smile on his face as the playful kitten tripped up the stairs. I smiled too, touching his hand gentely, and going to make something to drink. "Do you want a beer, or a coffee?" Ren asked him, plopping on the sofa once again. "Oh, I don't drink. Coffee is fine, thank you." Ren looked at me and I nodded, heading to make it. "Quite a looker you have there, Mr. Tao," I overheard from the kitchen, but couldn't help but lean in to eavesdrop.

"Ah! N-No, he's not my..." You could hear the blush in Ren's voice. "Oh, lordy, my apologies. Slight misinterpretation apparently. " He chuckled kindly. Even as I took the coffee pot of the maker, my face heated up at their conversation. Ren and I did live together, so I guess it would LOOK like we were a couple of some kind... "This is a nice place you have here," Blattnig said as I walked in with the two cups of coffee, handing one to each of them, then plopping down next to Ren. "Ah, yes, we moved here three years ago." I smiled softly.

"Long time," He muttered to himself. "So, Ha- I mean, Blattnig, you live in Germany?" I asked curiously. "Oh, yes, I do. It's quite lovely there, but I'm quite a traveller. And Germany never quite was my home in my heart." He smiled at me. I couldn't help but continue comparing him to my twin. His own smile was so sweet as Hao's, but more real than his as well. "What do you mean by, "in your heart?" I asked. "I always felt I belonged somewhere else is all." He smiled.

_Yes, that's because you do belong somewhere else. With me._

However selfish the thought, I didn't feel shame for thinking it. This man may have nothing to do with Hao, but he was someone. "Where have you been staying?" Ren took it upon himself to ask. "No where, actually. I just came here today. I plan on finding a hotel to stay at soon." He replied. I felt my lips move, but heard nothing. Both Ren and Hao stared at me. _You could stay here._

Ren shrugged and nodded. "I suppose you could, if you'd like. We could pay you back for your trouble with the kitten. We have an extra bed room as well." Ren explained. "Well, I'd be much obliged. Thanks a heap." He smiled. My heart skipped a beat. I hadn't meant to ask that, but I HAD, and I DID, and he was going to stay here.

But... _was he even Hao?_

XxX

Hao: Is he even me?

Me: MAYBE. NO SPOILERS~ Now here are the translation notes~

Blattnig Kirschblüte- More or less the same as "Hao Asakura." Blattnig is a combonation of the word "leaf," and the ending vowel of "king," like "Hao." "Sakura," taken from "Asakura," means cherry blossom, so Kirschblüte means cherry blossom.

This is Ren's and Blattnig's conversation translated:

"Ja, junger Herr?"- Yes young sir

Oh. Er ist nicht Deutsch. Ich spreche ein wenig, nahm meine Schwester mich einmal nach Deutschland."- Oh, he isn't german. I speak a little of it, my sister took me to Germany once.

If you use google translate, it would translate correctly! So be warned!

Me: There was a lot of thought put into naming Blattnig, and a period taken for character development. I'm happy with how it came out. :D

Yoh: BLATTNIG! Tee hee.

Me: SHUT UP! Tee hee.


End file.
